Procrastination!

The A-list!

Thanks to Ferzeen (formally known as Freeza) for bringing this into my life. This is an endless source of procrastination and intrigue. Trust me, I'm speaking from personal experience here.

Some of my personal favorites:

Apple, Fiona. Humorless, self-important brat. Holding on to reality with only a couple of fingers.

Baldwin, Stephen. So enamored of himself he probably masturbates while holding up his own facial shot.

Basinger, Kim. "Has more neuroses than an inbred poodle." Acts like a spoiled infant on- and off-set. Jerk. Recovering cocaine and alcohol addict.

Beatty, Warren. Slut supreme; the only woman he hasn't slept with is me (and, okay, Shirley Maclaine). Currently married to Annette Benning (though rumors are that he's not faithful to her, either). Also reportedly humorless, homophobic, blatant sexual harasser, and unpleasant--and, BION, not good in bed, according to H-wood prostitutes and Madonna (although Joan Collins says otherwise about this). Difficult to work with. Linked with (deepbreath) Isabelle Adjani, Brigitte Bardot, Candice Bergen, Halle Berry, Sonia Braga, Judy Carne, Cher, Julie Christie, Joan Collins, Janice Dickinson, Britt Ekland, Jane Fonda, Melanie Griffith, Goldie Hawn, Bianca Jagger, Diane Keaton, Madonna, Vivian Leigh, Jackie Onassis, Michelle Phillips, Diana Ross, Diane Sawyer, Stephanie Seymour, Carly Simon, Barbara Streisand, Liv Ullman, Mamie Van Doren, Tennessee Williams, and Natalie Wood (along with a cast of thousands).

Brando, Marlon. Alien/freak. Admitted bisexual. Not a good father to his children; reportedly molested his daughter who committed suicide. Glutton. A slut, in his time. Difficult to work with.

Brown, Bobby. All-around asshole. Married to and merkin for Whitney Houston. Linked with Madonna. Wife-beater and generally abusive towards women. Slut, alcoholic and drug addict. Most likely riddled with every sexually-transmitted disease so far discovered. Unpleasant personality. Some of the worst humanity has to offer.

Matthews, Dave. Bi_______, but not currently playing the field. "Into receiving golden showers from young female fans. Once had to cancel a large section of one tour after being diagnosed with a yeast infection in his throat. Ewww!" (Yeah, really).

AND, MY PERSONAL FAVORITE:

Macdowell, Andie. The light's on upstairs, but nobody's home. Possibly mildly retarded. Seems to have an aversion, in private life, to wearing any clothes. Recovering drug addict. Some folks who attend the same church that she does think she's a bitch; supposedly when her children did not get the lead in the church's pageant she "flipped and chewed out the clergy." And I've received some comments about her very bad attitude toward the locals.

There are way more than this, those are just a few of the highlights. Check it out.

Hooray for Cathy Cash Spellman

Today is Walpurgisnacht. Do you have anything that needs materialization?

DVD announcement

Just so you know, Desperate Housewives Season One is going to be released on DVD on September 20th, 2005. My guess is that will be about a week before the season 2 premiere airs.

The things you can google while procrastinating are extraordinary.

Driving!

Today I drove from 40th and 3rd to 165th and Fort Washington Ave. This was a major accomplishment for me. Granted, I got on the FDR at 47th and took it up to the GWB and got off at Riverside and 165th, so there wasn't THAT much city driving, but nonetheless. It was a major accomplishment for me. All that is left is Westchester tomorrow, but I'm not that concerned about the driving - just the navigating.

Dreams

Last night I definitely dreamt in the West Wing. The night before I dreamt in Degrassi. I think this means I've been watching too much TV.

I don't really remember that much of the Degrassi dream, except that Ellie was there. In the West Wing dream, I was chilling with the senior staff, and I'm pretty sure we were like, going to the State of the Union. I was with CJ and Josh, and we were trying to figure out where our seats were. When we finally found the seats, we realized that they were the seats normally occupied by like, the Senate majority leader and some other fairly important people in Congress. It was utterly ridiculous. It might have had something to do with the fact that I watched about 7 hours last night. West Wing Marathon Monday is an amazing thing.

In the Butler computer lab

I am almost positive that I passed Lisa Gay Hamilton, otherwise known as Rebecca Washington from The Practice, on Broadway in front of Milano Market a little while ago. Awesome.

Now I'm attempting to do some work that was due a few weeks ago, while simultaneously hoping that no one notices that I'm using a lab computer to do something as frivolous as update my blog.

one more thing

I completely forgot to post about this when it happened, but of course, I forgot. Remember jappy NYC girl I saw on line at Jamba Juice last week? I was on line behind her again on Tuesday. Same line, same Jamba Juice, same girl, same My Flat In London bag. In addition to that bag, she also had a giant Juicy Couture bag. Why someone would need two giant carry-alls to go to Jamba Juice is beyond me, but then again, who am I?

Back Again

Yeah, so its been awhile. Sorry bout that. I've had a productive week of procrastination, which will hopefully be followed by a week of productiveness... but that remains to be seen.

Highlights of the week - my birthday was on Monday. Nothing too exciting there. I'm not at all organized enough to actually plan a party or anything (which is unfortunate, because I would have liked to have one) but I ended up going out for drinks with a few close friends on Friday night. Its been like, years since I've been out, and I had a rockin good time. I should be more social and go out more often. Oh, and if anyone is wondering, the Library bar at the Hudson Hotel is uber-fun.

I know that there was no DH commentary tonight, but it just didn't seem necessary. I have to give mad props to ABC for making that review show. While the average viewer might see it a courtesy episode to help people keep the various storylines straight, I was able to figure out ABC's true intentions. Those geniouses on 66th St. created this filler episode to get viewers really excited about the last four episodes, all of which will air during May - May sweeps, that is. Instead of leaving that last week in May with no DH, or showing a rerun or not showing DH at all in April, they have given us a new episode, without actually giving us a new episode. This way, ABC will have maximum May viewership for next season. I can only hope next season will as fabulous as this season.

Happy Passover to all! Hooray for matzah ball soup!

Major Achievement!

I finished this month's Vanity Fair AND InStyle before next month's issues arrive. I'm pretty sure that this is the first time this has ever happened. I feel so accomplished!

Desperate Housewives!

DH begins in a minute! Fucking awesome!

9:00: Mrs. McClusky is definitely Mrs. Landingham. And is cleraly going to die, because Lynette was a bitch.
9:01: I was right, sort of. Where are Lynette's kids?
9:04: David from Skeletal Bio was right!! Good job! Deirdre was the PI sent to look for the baby! Mad points given to David and his girlfriend. I wonder if this means that Mike will finally become normal.
9:06: Nevermind, he's going to start investigating Paul.
9:08: Susan's mother is just like her. Phenomenal casting!
9:09: Lynette's kids are so breaking that lamp. Either that, or Lynette breaks the lamp, and blames it on the kids.

First segment wrap-up: Bree is like, the most not subtle person ever. Gabby and Carlos is predictable. I still don't get why he's not in jail yet. Shouldn't his plea bargain like, begin already? On The Practice, when they plead guilty, they go to jail right away. They dont' get to go home and force their wives to sign post-nups and transfer money from one hidden Caymen Island account to another. He should totally be gone, so we can start seeing more of John. I wonder if Carlos has spies who will watch her while he's in prison. I mean, his mother's dead, so does he have anyone else?

9:15: Hooray, John is back! Too bad Gabby's using him as a therapist. Damn, thats mean of her. "I know that you're in love with me, but I'm going to continue to fuck you, with no hope of a future"
9:16: The credit card was SO nice of him!
9:17: Aw, Mrs. Landingham is lonely. :(
9:20: Poor Julie. She is clearly the most mature person in that house.
9:21: Yeah, like no one saw that coming. And did he just say Mike killed a cop?!

Second segment wrap-up: I kind of feel sorry for Mrs. McClusky/ Landingham. She's just lonely. :( How come Lynette's kids are like, never around in this episode? Just the one scene at the ice cream truck. Quick side note: Just saw an AMC commercial. Cannot believe David is trying to make everyone believe Dixie is back. What a stupid idea. Okay, back to DH. Susan's mother (whats her name again?) is clearly everything Susan is going to be in 20 years.

9:27: Ah, the student credit card comes to bite Gabby in the ass. Not surprising. I was actually expecting it to have like, a $300 limit or something.
9:32: Ew, I fucking hate that Bree is so anti-gay. This is horrible. Hate it, hate it, hate it. Not liking the trying to change Andrew. She totally deserves to have Andrew hate her now. This is wretched. Bree is definitely dropping down the list.

Recap: Yeah, so not liking Bree right now. I know that she's supposed to be right-wing conservative, but this is like, middle-America Bible Belt intolerance gay-bashing. I expected Bree to be unhappy, but not this extreme (although, when is Bree not extreme?) Totally with Rex on this one - Andrew seems happy, so let him be. Rex definitely didn't deserve to have Bree blurt out the masochism thing. Ulch.

9:37: Ew, those guys are so old and gross. Ick. Poor Susan.
9:38: Landingham/ McClusky is so dead - "You feckless thug! You get Hoynes!"
9:43: Aw, Susan is sad about Mike. No, sorry, devastated.

Recap: Oh, how can she say that Mike is the one. Thats jumping the gun a bit. Liking the Gabby-Carlos game playing. Its entertaining for now, but will definitely get kind of old if we have to sit through three more episodes of this. My guess is that he finds out about John in the season finale. Actually, he'll probably confront Gabby and/or John in the finale. Sad to think that the finale is close and then there will be a whole summer of no DH. :(

9:47: Oh, so McClusky isn't dead after all. Guess we don't getHoynes afterall.
9:48: Aw, she can't open her arthritis medication bottles. :( Aw, I like Lynette when she's nice. She and McClusky are so going to be friends afterall.
9:51: Oh, she so did not just say he won't go to heaven! Thats just ... ulch. Andrew is so going to use this against her.
9:52: Susan's mom's name is Sophie!

Recap: Yeah, and let the shit go down. Mike vs. Paul - who will win? Zach will be in the middle of it all, of course, as will Mrs. Huber's sister and somehow Susan. Susan will of course manage to be in the middle of it, because she's annoying like that. I'm seeing some sort of big showdown in Paul's house, around the time of the season finale. Whatever Andrew decides to do to get back at Bree, she most likely deserves it. There's being a protective, kind of overbearing, completely anal-retentive mother, but then there's being a religious nut job. Sadly, Bree has crossed that line.

End of the show: Ooh, what is Andrew going to do? Let Bree catch him in bed with another guy? Alright, no more post-nup! I wonder why Andrew even told the Reverend all that. There was no reason for him to tell, except to let the viewers in on his plan. Hold on for one hot minute! What is this nonsense going on next week? Is that like, a recap episode? I mean, that might be good for some, but for hardcore nuts like me, its just unnecessary. I mean, I could narrate a recap episode. I would much prefer a new episode that continues the storylines. Alas. We shall have to wait. Oh my lord, I just had a terrible thought - next week is Passover! I won't be able to watch live. No blog of wonder updates. I will have to work on this.

My New Motto.... at least where Amanda's bed is concerned

I Choose Not To Run.

procrastination

My ability to procrastinate is unparallelled. I have work that I need to do. I know I need to do it. I need to do it by tomorrow... well, I suppose I could hand it in next week. Technically, it needed to be done two weeks ago. Nonetheless, it needs to get done soon. So what do I do on this absolutely gorgeous day? Go out? Walk around outside and bask in the sunlight? Lay out in Central Park?

No.

I stay in my room, in the dark, and watch a shitload of All My Children. I blame it entirely on Agnes Nixon. If she wasn't my hero, I might want to hurt her. On an exciting note, new DH tonight! I will do my best to have the play by play up and running later. Stay tuned.

kids and whatnot

sometimes people in this city amaze me. i went to jamba juice today. while on line, i observed the girl in front of me. she was about 15, and was wearing adidas, a juicy warm-up suit, chanel sunglasses, diamond earrings, and a my flat in london bag. i could have dealt with everything else, but the bag really put me over the edge. i know that there are people on long island who like to show off, but this girl just cracked me up.

after getting my jamba juice, i went to the park with staci. everytime i go to central park, i am overwhelmed with the desire to have kids. i can't wait to have cute little new york city kids. not snotty rich kids like jamba juice girl, but cute well-rounded kids who go to private school and walk around in their little uniforms and play little league and sports and stuff in central park. not that i know how i'm going to finance this stuff, but we can worry about that later.

skills

some people say its important to have good skills, like good numchuck skills or whatnot.

i would really like to have sweet yo-yo skills.

VF on DH

General gist of the article: The housewives are pissed that Teri Hatcher gets all of the attention. Actually, it seems like its mostly Marcia Cross. The article seemed to imply that Felicity Huffman didn't really care because her life was so fabulous (she's married to William H. Macy and chills with David Mamet on the weekends) that she didn't have time to be bothered by jealousy at work. Eva Longoria was just a baby - too young and inexperienced to be jealous. They didn't say anything really about Nicolette Sheridan, other than that she originally auditioned for Bree. Marcia Cross, however, seems quite irate. The rampant lesbian rumors probably didn't help. Hopefully she won't go Kimberly on the set and like, try to blow something up or steal a baby.

Apparently the Vanity Fair cover shoot was the last group photo shoot that the housewives are going to do for a long, long time.

the good life

presentation is over. feel infinitely better, even though i don't exactly know how well i did. went out to dinner at the heights and got tasti-d. i completely love rewarding myself with food.

plan for tonight:

lay in bed
watch amc and the west wing
read vanity fair

yeah, this will be fun. :)

a light at the end of the tunnel

new vanity fair arrived today. can't wait til stupid biochem presentation is over to read it. i've had to resist opening the plastic, because i know when i do, i will be completely enthralled. the desperate housewives are on the cover... well, three of them are. marcia cross and felicity huffman were banished to "the other side of the fold" aside from that, i want to see if dominick dunne says anything about michael jackson.

I should totally work for ABC

Great idea for ABC crossover: Bree, deciding that Lynette's kids are just way too out of control, secretly submits a tape of the Schavo family for Supernanny - and they get picked! It would be great. Jo would come in, and completely rip Lynette apart. Lynette would get all bitter and angry, but in the end, it would be good, because her kids would finally learn to behave. It would be brilliant. I bet it would encourage a lot of Supernanny fans to watch DH (although I still can't believe there are people out there who don't) and I wouldn't be surprised if DH fans started watching Supernanny. James Moye at ABC Daytime clearly didn't know what he was missing when he ignored my numerous internship applications.

Point distrubtion

I hereby decree that Jill Lauren Santopolo gets mad points for correctly remembering the names of my little sisters.

DH!

DH begins!

9:02: ulch, Carlos is shady. I bet he's not excited about the baby when he finds out about John.
9:03 where the fuck di dall these little kids come from?
9:06 totally loving that tthey're finally getting back to the secret lives of paul and zack and mary alice. so zack isn't really paul's son. interesting. who is dana? could dana be paul and mary alice (angela!)'s real child? did they steal zack to replace her? hmm...
9:11: susan's mom is awesome. i love lesley ann warren. long live miss scarlet.

first segment recap: hmm, not really much else to say. my two favorite characters, bree and lynette, didn't really have big scenes, although i'm forever amused by lynette's bratty kids. they really are devil children. speaking of devil children, andrew is quite the asshole and definitely didn't deserve the lemon squares. doesn't anyone else remember him being really angry at rex and all on bree's side after he found out about teh affair? they seem to have forgotten that, because now he's still all anti-bree.

9:19: bree served lynette's kids ocean spray cranberry juice!
9:23: GO GABBY!

second segment recap: eh, still nothing all that spectacular or noteworthy. i'm actually kind of surprised they showed bree spanking porter. lynette's so not going to be happy (but we knew that from the commerical. also, thinking back to the stuff with paul and zack earlier, i wonder if phylicia (mrs. hubers nasty sister) knew the p.i. that paul killed. also, i can't figure out why paul actually dug up the chest. it was pretty hardcore underneath his pool. no one would have found it. it seems like a ridiculous risk for him to take, because now, clearly, it has been found. speaking of digging it up from under his pool, didn't anyone notice that his pool suddenly had a massive hole in teh bottom? thats not something you can easily fix by yourself. he must have had to have like, people come back to fix that. overall, it just seems unnecessary.

9:30: tom is such a pussy. he's like, afraid of lynette. the fact that her mom used to beat her is interesting. hmm, lets come back to this later...
9:32: ooh, mrs. huber's evil sister knows zack's birth mom, who clearly isn't mary alice.
9:33: holy shit, zack is dana.

third segment recap: things are getting good! forget lynette's fucked up childhood, i'll play psychiatrist later. phylicia knows zack's birth parents. i bet they're still looking for him. i bet that she is a blackmailing whore like her sister and is going to blackmail zack and paul to not tell zack's birth parents. fucking awesome. i wonder how mrs. huber figured it all out. they never really made any allusion that mrs. huber knew mary alice back then (pre-wisteria lane, if you will), although, since both characters are dead, who knows for sure?

9:38: susan's silliness is not as endearing as it used to be.

fourth segment recap: that was pretty short. i mean, the drama between gabby and carlos was clearly the highlight. carlos is pretty scary. can totally see him being in the mafia. if gabby hadn't signed it, do you think he would have really hurt her? i can't decide. i think he's angry and passionate enough to, but i can't see him risking it. i mean, if he hurts her, she still doesn't sign it, and then she'd have legitimate grounds to divorce him, plus she could tip the feds that he moved the money, which would at least give them something to look for, and leverage to use against carlos. looks like jesse metcalfe isn't gone after all.

9:47: andrew is such a dick. bree is a bit much, but seroiusly. come on.
9:48: awesome, lynette!! good job! don't threaten violence, just threaten bree!
9:50: bree might be crazy, but at least she's honest. and i love the suit.

fifth segment: it seems like they rushed the whole "andrew is gay" thing. i didn't think he'd admit it so soon. in fact, i predicted that bree would catch him in the act with that justin kid, or that susan would accidentally let it slip out. never thought he would have the balls to say it himself. after she gets over the shock, though, i can completely see her like, buying him gay porn condoms and arranging them in a wicker basket. maybe with some cookies, too.

10:00/end: holy fuck, phylicia has a photo album! why the fuck is she like, walking around with photo albums of zack as a baby? speaking of babies, gabby's baby is going clearly going to be john's. its not even a question. when does carlos go to jail? shouldn't he be there already? i can't see her finding out she's pregnant before he goes, but then, it makes for such better drama if she does.

can't wait til next week's dh. plus, the dh vanity fair should be coming sometime this week - should be interesting.

extreme

is a rerun. boo.

stay tuned for the dh commentary.

in the library...

In the library studying. While walking through the stacks to get back to my desk, which is conveniently hidden in the back corner of the lower level of the library, I see a book that literally makes me stop in my tracks.

Its called, "When Children Die".

Maybe I was just sick of studying, but I stopped and started to read it. It was a book written for health care professionals about working with the families of children with terminal diseases. It fascinated me. I skimmed through and read various sections. It made me sad. There was a section about siblings. There was a story about a family where the healthy child's birthday kept falling on the same days as her brother's treatments and surgeries. It made me wonder how you would tell your 4 year old child that you can't celebrate her birthday because you have to sit in a hospital waiting room. It made me wonder what it would be like to be that child. It made me wonder what it would be like to be the sick child. If I were a sick child, would I care that I was getting more attention than my siblings? Probably not. I don't like being sick, so I can't really see myself liking being terminally sick. Is that wrong?

It reminded me of that stupid Jodi Piccoult book that I got from Karen. My Sister's Keeper. I guess its all along the same line. I think it all comes down to me realizing that having kids is probably the most stressful thing ever. Stupid Jodi Piccoult. It amazes me that she is published. Still, its an interesting read, I suppose.

Okay, this is way too heavy. Time to take a break and enjoy the sun. Going to Jamba Juice and maybe walk around a bit before Extreme and DH. Maybe I'll post about DH later. We'll see.

signs that i've lost it

thats probably too long a list. lets just focus on one for now:

after sitting in front of my computer for 13 hours, attempting to do work, i have spent like, five minutes planning a spontaneous surprise phone call that i might not even make. i concocted an elaborate plot and started to think up code phrases.

it might be time for bed soon.

correction!

below link is wrong. my sincerest apologies.

this is the article i meant.

oh those brits...

yeah, completely had the wrong link up before...

this is the article that cracked me up.

A Clarification

I just want to make it clear that I don't sit up here in my privileged life and judge those who are less fortunate than I am. I know that I am profoundly lucky to be able to sit here and do something as frivolous as post my thoughts on the internet. I do feel sad when I see people less fortunate than myself. I donate to Coalition for the Homeless and occasionally give to pan handlers. If I could, I would give to all of them. I didn't mean to come off as insensitive last night. I guess I just really am jaded and that hides my compassion sometimes. If anyone was offended by reading my post from last night, I apologize.

Ruminations on the A train

As we all know, I've lived in New York for my entire life. I've spent the past five years actually living in the city. I'm pretty used to homeless people. They're on the streets, on the subway, pretty much everywhere (except inside Columbia. Somehow they manage to keep homeless people off the CU campus. They just all hang out in front of Ollie's.) I have to say, I'm pretty jaded. I've gotten the "avert-your-eyes-and-pretend-to-not-hear-the-pleas-for-money" thing down pretty well. The recent craze of ipod headphones has helped this immensely.

Anyway, I got on the subway tonight to go home, and there were homeless people in the car. Now, we all know that there are different levels of like, homeless-ness. There are those who are relatively well-put together who seem like they're lying when they say they have no place to live, there are those who are wearing oldish clothes and are in need of a shave, but are mostly not too bad. Then there are the ones who are really sad who you can tell have been living on the streets for a long time. The people on the subway tonight were like, at the bottom of the last category. We're talking the really smelly, surrounded by multiple carts full of junk, wearing a combination of dirty indistinguishable Salvation Army clothing and newspapers homeless. The people that you see and you suddenly feel incredibly guilty for drinking your $4.00 Starbucks peppermint hot chocolate while decked out entirely in Banana Republic and listening to music on your red leather-clad PDA. So there are two of them on the subway tonight. They were sitting on a bench, and basically had the entire half of the subway car to themselves because A) they were spread out over the entire bench and B) they smelled so bad, no one wanted to sit on the bench across from them. As I thought about them (while playing on my pocket pc, pretending not to notice they exist, per the protocol) I realized that they were actually a couple. And as sad as their situation was, and as appalling and wretched their lives seemed, I couldn't help but think they were sort of lucky, because they had each other. I thought about how much they must have loved each other to get through life like that. I thought about how profoundly sad it would be if one of them died. I wondered how long they had been together, and how they had met. For some reason, when I finally got off the train, I realized that they had left me with a feeling of hope and contentment - a feeling that even when things are so dismal and terrible you can't possibly imagine there'd be anything good at all, life will surprise you and give you the proverbial silver lining.

Yeah, I live far uptown. I had a lot of time to think. And now its late and I'm rambling and probably not making much sense and sound like a spoiled, privileged brat and you guys are all wishing I hadn't started a blog in the first place.

Welcome

Welcome. I've finally given in and created a blog. I can't guarantee that I'll actually post regularly to this thing, but I'll see what I can do.

In my neverending quest for procrastination, I took the quiz that Rebecca had a link to in her blog. (I'd post the link myself, but I can't figure out how to do it) I was fairly impressed with my results, and felt the need to share them with the world, and there just wasn't enough room in my aim profile. This apparently my humor type:

Sunny/Dark: 0/10
drY/Gross: 0/10
Traditional/Offbeat: 0/10
Active/Passive: 2/10

You are a SYT--Sunny Dry Traditional. This makes you a Sophisticate.

You like conservative humor -- implied rather than explicit, and a well- timed eyebrow raise rather than a punchline. You're exactly the right kind of funny a well-bred hostess would want at her functions. You might be Jewish.

You're not afraid of a risque joke -- you just don't often make them. This means that people may keep it squeaky clean around you, and that when you do work blue it's super too so funny.

You're like Jon Stewart on that fake cover of the public domain Victorian erotica textbook in the back of America. You should get that book. You'll think it's funny as hell.

You might like The Daily Show, Remember Wenn and when Hamlet says, "Do you think I meant country matters?" You would snigger thyself all the way to the buttery bar.

Of the 17880 people who have taken this quiz, 26.1 % are this type.

Your Active humor score of 2/10 means you are too shy shy. Hush hush, hide-away. You could really unload a can of whoop-ass hilarity on anyone -- anyone receptive to humor at all -- but the sneaky thing here is you don't really care. You don't feel the need to be the center of attention, so you hold the big guns in reserve until the right moment. In a world full of people who think they're funnier than they are, you're exactly as funny as you want to be. Um, regardless of whether anybody else ever takes notice.