Rachel's Blog of Wonder

Name:
Location: New York, New York

Apparently none of the descriptions in here are true anymore, except that sometimes I still worry about myself. In the past two years, I have tried to fly a kite.

Friday, September 21, 2007

Miss South Carolina

has nothing on the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders. During the interviews, they asked one of the candidates what she thought of Condoleeza Rice running for president. Her response?

"I'm very excited that he chose to run. I know he'll do a great job."

She was most surprised when they told her that Condoleeza Rice was not running for president. She was even more surprised when they told her Condoleeza Rice was a woman.

There were also a bunch of candidates who could not name the coach of the Cowboys, or even which team won the Super Bowl last year. Even I know that. Freakin idiot cheerleaders.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Its so true!

Sex and the City is so wise.

Carrie: After all, city girls are just country girls with cuter outfits.

Monday, September 17, 2007

Wedding Registries

Greg has a friend who's getting married. One of the places he and his fiancee are registered is Home Depot. Apparently he is telling all of his guy friends he just wants tools. I kind of respect that he's taking some of the wedding for himself.

On another note, Greg has just told me that he doesn't read my blog. I told him that was okay, because then I could bitch about him without him knowing.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Top Chef

Fucking show, they keep getting rid of my favorites. First Tre, now CJ. If they get rid of Casey, it'll all be over. At least Padma had it in her to look sad about sending CJ off. And in Newark! I hope he doesn't get shot.

Monday, September 10, 2007

Frog Festival

Was hilarious. On Saturday, EDF came out and we donned our "Dawson for Coroner" T-shirts and helped blow up balloons and rode on the float in the Frog Festival parade. We threw candy and cups and Mardi Gras beads (I'm fairly certain you are not allowed to have a parade in this state unless you throw Mardi Gras beads at some point, regardless of time of year) and in general helped to completely intimidate The Other Guy. After the parade we went to the festival, which is basically a carnival with a lot more frog references. It was pretty crazy because people actually recognized me from Dr. Dawson's office and said hi and whatnot. There were even some people who said hi to me who I completely didn't recognize. It was very quaint. The next day el Grego came out and we went to watch the frog jumping competition. What is hilarious is that there are all of these teen beauty queens running around wearing tiaras and sashes and normal clothes and posing with frogs. I am so glad that Emily and Greg came out to witness this, because I could never actually describe it.

Oh, and frog legs do not taste like chicken.

Thursday, September 06, 2007

Oh yeah

The car thing totally worked out. A tow truck came in the morning, took me and the car to the Honda dealership, where, in 40 minutes, they replaced my battery and had me on my way. I was still 10 minutes late to work, but after everything else, it was fine.

Fuck I Need to Get Out of This State.

I was just thinking about travel plans and I actually thought to myself "Hmm, I wonder if LSU is playing, because if they are, it would totally fuck up traffic around Baton Rouge."

Fuck me hard.

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

I Think I May Miss MTA Strikes

Ulch, totally annoying night. I stopped by Roly Poly on the way home to pick up something to eat. I get back into the car to drive back to the townhouse and.... nothing. The car did not go. It did not start. It did nothing. I wanted to cry.

So I did what I typically do in situations like that.

I stood by my car and looked pitiful in the hopes that someone would have mercy on me and help.

Alas. No help came. The people that I asked didn't have jumper cables. I totally blame Riley Baker for leaving my jumper cables in the back of a U-Haul when she borrowed them to drive from Houston to New Orleans like, two years ago, and letting them melt. I blame myself more for not buying new ones.

I sucked it up and called Geico roadside assistance. They were actually surprisingly useful. They got someone out to me in less than a half an hour to give me a jump. I let the car run for twenty minutes or so and then brought it back to the townhouse. I turned it off and then tried to start it again, just to make sure everything was okay.

And nothing.

I seriously almost cried. As the pitiful thing clearly wasn't going to help me, I went for the Jappy-Girl-from-Long-Island-Plan B:

I called The Boyfriend.

Greg said it sounded like an alternator problem. I asked him what I should do. His super helpful advice was to get myself to an AutoZone, buy a new alternator, get back to the car at the townhouse, pop the hood, take out the bad alternator and put in the new one.

At this point, I think I should point out that I had been up for an insanely long time and had driven to Rayne and back and was generally hungry and tired and cranky and really not into the whole idea of dealing with this nonsense. So I went for Plan C. The be-all and end-all of problem solving that Jewish girls have been relying on since the beginning of time.

I called my dad.

My dad's first response was to pawn me off to the boyfriend ("Does Greg have a car?" "Yeah." "Can he drive out to help you?" "Uh, he's three hours away. Sorry, Dad, you don't get rid of me that easily. You contributed to half of my genetic make-up and then made sure I had a baby-naming ceremony and went to Hebrew school and got bat-mitzvahed and it goes on and on. Its your own damn fault for doing it three more times"). When that clearly wasn't going to work, he was actually kind of useful and talked to me and calmed me down and made me do what I knew I had to do, which was calling Geico and getting a tow truck and figuring out where the nearest Honda dealership was and all that. Part 2 is going to be tomorrow when I see if I can get from Honda to Rayne in a rental car in a somewhat timely fashion. I will give myself a cookie if I actually make it to Dr. Dawson's by 9.

God, I miss New York. Forgetting about the dealing with the car thing, its just so fucking isolated. One of the guys I asked to jump my car kept asking me if I had any friends or anyone who could come help me or at least pick me up from the parking lot. Blech. Plus, while I love my car, I really dislike having the responsibility of actually having a car. I am way happier putting my fate into the hands of the MTA than to have to deal with all of it by myself. Its way better to be transportationally challenged because of thousands of disgruntled employees than because you weren't able to get your car towed to the repair shop in time.

There's this quote out there along the lines of "Those of us who live in New York know that everyone else is just fooling themselves." Its so fucking true. There are seriously people out there who consider Lafayette, Louisiana the "Big City". I don't understand this. I know that I said I wanted to have this experience of "seeing America" but this may be too much. Seriously, Lafayette looks like Metarie, only without as much stuff. Its a fucking giant strip mall. Its like a whole bunch of Old Country Roads all intersecting with each other... with a bunch of fields interspersed here and there... and here.